Some people are single because they choose to. Others are single because they may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship and are in the ‘waiting’ period, looking for another compatible mate to go into a relationship with.
The aim of this article is not to draw attention to the categories of people mention above. Instead, it will focus on why some people find it a lot more difficult than others in finding a compatible mate to go into a relationship with.
The ‘why am I still single?’ question is one a lot of singles above 30 often ask themselves when they find it difficult getting a soul mate to settle down with. If you are currently in this category and are finding it difficult getting a soul mate to settle down with or start a relationship with, kindly continue reading this article.
This post provides some of the top reasons why most people find it difficult getting a soul mate or even remaining in a relationship for long periods. Fortunately, most of these reasons are personality-related and as such, can easily be changed with little practice and time.
Top 6 reasons why you’re still single
- You don’t go out much
Finding a relationship is a lot like looking for employment – you’ll need to go out, look for vacancies, build a network, and continuously test out different ideas and then follow up.
Your mate won’t miraculously spring up someday in your backyard. You’ll need to go out there and meet as many people as you can. View your search for a relationship as a number game (and it is), the more people you meet and recruit into your circle, the more your chances of meeting your mate for relationship increases.
- Too picky
Being a bit picky can keep you in the single circle for longer than you’d thought. It has kept many people looking for years even while many opportunities for love passes them by.
Sometimes, people become picky due to previous experiences in a relationship. They raise defenses against certain types of characters and screen them out without giving the idea that personality is a unique feature a thought.
Also, most singles are incredibly fond of waiting for the ideal mate with the right physical attributes before they will want to make any commitment.
If you’re finding it difficult getting into a relationship, it’s time to let down your filters of pickiness and start looking more closely at the personality of potential mates that comes your way.
- Your self-esteem is too high
Having a good dose of self-confidence is good and can help protect a relationship, but too much of it can keep you in the singles’ circle far longer than it can keep you in a relationship.
Far too many people move around with very high self-esteem, which makes it virtually impossible for others to relate with them or them with other people. High self-esteem is not something to be proud of. It deprives you of quality time with people.
If you find yourself evaluating people and seeing them irritable before you meet them or quick to assume that others do not have any purpose or ambition in life, then your problem might be too high a self-esteem.
- Your self-esteem is too low
Just as too high a self-esteem is destructive when it comes to dating, too low a self-esteem is even more damaging.
Low self-esteem is something a lot of people exhibit without being aware of – most times, masked as humility. Humility is quite different from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem borders more on people-pleasing and not seeing yourself for who you are but based on what you think people think of you.
A common trait of people with low self-esteem is that they often overthink any given situation. They overthink about the possible outcome of an approach and then talk themselves out of meeting new people.
While too high a self-esteem pushes people away from you, low self-esteem keeps you away from knowing people.
There’s no easy fix for low self-esteem. However, you can try working on your self-confidence by speaking positive words to yourself in the mirror. Try smiling more and going out of your way to meet new people.
Most people have been hurt in relationships. Some have had their heart shattered. It’s only human for them to want to protect themselves against such pains again in the future.
People raise fences around themselves unknowingly to prevent previous negative experiences from recurring again.
For instance, if our parents were cold towards us when growing up, we tend to become suspicious of anyone moving closer to us. We raise our defenses to prevent being hurt or taken advantage of.
As such, you may only gravitate towards people who are stand-offish or do not show too much emotion and in which case cannot stay long in a relationship. This may begin an endless vicious cycle of looking for a long term relationship.
It’s not your fault that you may have been hurt in the past and will want to guard your precious heart.
But at the same time, you may want to start looking for ways to heal and give more people the chance to get to know you more – after all, people are different, and most will love you for who you are.
- Still not over your ex
There are so many times we couldn’t let go of a past relationship. Feelings don’t just die when we want them to – they remain for a long time.
But you can choose to quicken the process and move on into a new relationship or continue holding on to your past relationship and remain single.
Of course, it’s all possible for you to love multiple people at the same time. But that at the same time makes you unfit to go into a relationship.
Think about it; no guy wants to go into a relationship with a lady who’s still obsessed with her ex or the cute waiter or the guy next door and vice-versa.
To find a meaningful relationship, you’ll need to make more rooms in your heart. Try as much as possible to clear your heart of the baggage of past relationship and start looking forward to bond with someone new.